That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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