4 words: hood of his car
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
