I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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