Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize