My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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