craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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