Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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