Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
