What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
