There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a hot homeless man
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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