im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to calm my uterus...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
