What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Randomize
