on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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