So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I AM VODKA MAN
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
