new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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