Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize