My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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