she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to make out with him forever
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
