Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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