did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
