A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
