I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
