Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
