Can Purell be used as lube?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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