I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
