I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
