the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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