it wasn't lemon gatorade
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
smell my finger.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
