If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
