i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
