i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I party with great urgency now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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