I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it wasn't lemon gatorade
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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