how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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