omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
