is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
