i permit you to call me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
