Your mouth is God's brothel.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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