And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
