HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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