you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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