If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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