I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize