Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
