I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
