dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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