Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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