i already hear my dad disowning me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize