he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
