I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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