guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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