It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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