i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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