Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
