How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
