Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
