Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
