May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
