today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
