Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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