so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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