i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
