Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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