My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
