That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
