I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Barsexuality is the new black.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just googled if crying burns calories
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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