My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
