Non-Jews are for practice
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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