I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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