i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
