fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
