Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
