It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
