I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
