I think my vagina is haunted
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
