I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
