i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize