i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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