we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
