I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
