hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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