You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
