I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
