Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
