Don't make out with my wife yet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize