just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
