I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
