No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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