He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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