I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
