He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The struggles of a small town man whore
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
