Can Purell be used as lube?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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