You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
